Carving for the Cure
My father golfs almost every day, he golfs in the rain, golfs in the freezing cold (below thirty degrees which is just plain crazy) and he golfs on holidays. Although he's not the best golfer by any means, he loves chasing that little white ball. He also reads every day and began seriously carving sixteen years ago. Since my mother died, these three hobbies consume his life.
A quiet man with a wry sense of humor, he never ceases to give people a hard time, including the man who delivered the bad news. And despite some hesitancy to go forward with the surgery, my dad pushed all the right buttons. He quit smoking, November 30, 2010 and started chemo. Worried he'd have a bad reaction, I was there when he started it and stayed for ten days.
Those ten days are a cherished time for me. No kids, no siblings, no spouses or in-laws, just me and my dad. Not wanting to wear him down but keep him busy at the same time, I asked my father to teach me to carve. And he did. But typical to my dad, he didn't choose an easy project, instead he handed me a nice oak spindle with a finished coat of stain and lacquer. It was brand new and hard as a rock. He gave me one of his safety gloves and a thumb protected and we got busy. Every time I thought I had completed a section, he'd tell me to cut deeper, it needed to have more detail. He was meticulous in his teaching and for a man who's blind in one eye and says he can't see very well out of the other, he sure found my areas that needed improvement easily!
By the end of the ten days, dad was doing pretty well with his treatments and I had finished my foot-tall Santa. He was smooth once more and painted instead of stained. I gave him to dad because for once, I could give him something.
I had to go home to my family half way across the country and it was hard yet joyous cause I can honestly say that was the best time I've ever spent with him. Dad completed his chemo, moved on to radiation and I continued carving at home.
At the end of March dad opted for the dangerous surgery and I returned to be with him. We traveled to Michigan where surgeons at Michigan State University removed part of his left lung and shaved his spine with a patch being placed over an area that spinal fluid leaked from. He came out of the surgery, somewhat confused and had me worried. But like the man that I admired, he began teasing everyone else and giving doctors and nurses a hard time despite the fact that he'd been filleted like a fish. His incision was beyond huge but his doctor's were beyond good.
All of the cancer was removed and by mid-June my dad was back on the golf course. I've seen my dad a couple times since then and we talk on the phone almost every day. He tells me about his golf scores and I give him a hard time about hitting from the women's tees. We talk about my writing and my family. And we talk about our most recent carving projects.
I never believed carving would cure his cancer, that was up to the doctors and God. I did believe that carving would cure our down time and keep us busy. It did that and so much more. It cured that gap that sometimes grows between parent and child when the child grows up and becomes consumed with their own family. When distance makes visits infrequent, rushed and full of too much to do.
Carving with my dad, cured us.
Sept. Issue of Romance Writer's Report
Check out my article, Writing Authentic Law Enforcement Characters, in the Sept Issue of the Romance Writer's Report. I hope you enjoy it!
Kym
Monday April 11, 2011 the Perseverance of a Soul Surfer
Join me Monday April 11, 2011 for my Bloody Monday Blog at http://dailydose-fantasyromance.blogspot.com/
Perseverance
I’m not a person who likes to pay to cry. I am purely a kick-butt and laugh movie watcher. However, I am a huge sucker for a story of surviving against the odds. Victims have always inspired me with their pure instinct of survival.
This weekend I took my daughter to see Soul Surfer. The story of Bethany Hamilton, a sixteen year old amateur surfer who fought back with faith after a near fatal shark attack that left her with one arm.
Bethany’s story goes beyond survival—she conquered. Fears, doubts, and physical adversity were left behind. She got back on her board as soon as she could and was competing twenty-six days after losing her arm to a Great White. She’s won National Surfing Titles, has made Mission trips with her church to help aid others after natural disasters, and has inspired millions with her courage.
That is the type of message I like to see in the media outlets. The spirit and perseverance of the human race. I have no use for pure slasher entertainment. I want to be inspired to get off my butt and reach for my dreams. To dust off my brain and write something that brings joy to a reader. To show my kids through example, they can achieve anything their heart desires with faith, strength and courage.
Who’s inspired you lately? Share your everyday hero’s story. I’d love to hear it.
Posted by Heather Long on Monday, April 11, 2011 at 5:55 AM
Labels: bloody mondays, bloody pen sisterhood, kym roberts
12 COMMENTS:
Regina Richards said...
Bet it's a great movie and one I admit I will probably avoid. I'm the mother of a sixteen year old daughter. I find it hard to watch stories about kids that age being hurt. Even if the payoff is a totally positive message in the end.
Who's inspired me lately? Maybe not a who so much as a what. Spring inspires me as it throws off winter and recreates the world.
April 11, 2011 11:54 AM
Kym Roberts said...
I have to admit it was too 'adult' for my daughter to watch. But I wanted her to see someone who had overcome tragedy and it was rated PG. (It really should have been Pg-13.) With all the girls wanting to be a Disney Girl, I wanted my daughter to watch an athlete with a deep conviction of service to her community and the world when she could have disappeared into a shell because she no longer looked society's image of 'normal'.
I agree about spring. There's nothing like having the windows open and letting the cool breeze blow the fragrant scent of flowers through the house. Thanks for stopping by!
April 11, 2011 1:09 PM
Kym Roberts said...
I forgot to shamelessly use the site to wish my sister, and very first critquer, a very Happy Birthday! Love you Vicki!
April 11, 2011 1:12 PM
Misa said...
I cry at the drop of a hat and I have to be in a certain mood, I think, to go to that place. I wish I could control those emotions! I cried at the commercial for this movie. I cried when I first learned of Bethany's accident. It was shocking and horrific and I agree with Regina... hard to take as a mother.
I'm not sure if I'll see this with my daughter or boys right now, but when she's older, definitely.
As for who has inspired me, I'd have to say all the multi-tasking women I know who manage to balance the elements in their lives so well. I'm espcially inspired by Elizabeth Pelletier, the founder and CEO of Entangled Publishing (and my new boss!) because I love her philosophy and approach to publishing and the crazy writing world.
And I'm inspired by you, Kym, Ms. Super-cop!!!! I can't imagine ever doing the job you did for so long.
April 11, 2011 7:45 PM
Wendy Lyn Watson said...
I think I share your taste in movies, Kym (went to see Insidious this last weekend - scary as all heck!).
I just read a story about a woman in Chicago who was worried about the type of life her teen children would have in a gang-heavy neighborhood. So she opened her doors - just started inviting the teens into her living room to watch movies, do homework, eat pizza. Now she has a whole house devoted to that end, and she's been known to have members of up to four rival gangs in a room at the same time. I love the idea of something as simple as hospitality actually changing her world. Very cool.
April 11, 2011 9:04 PM
Kym Roberts said...
Bethany was blessed with incredibly strong loving parents and a solid family unit. What I liked about the screen play was that it didn't focus on the gore, it focused on Bethany's journey. What a remarkable young woman. She viewed every obstacle as encouragement to overcome, including fellow surfers who refused to give her a break. But 13 is a good age for this movie-sometimes watching emotional struggles are harder gore that isn't real.
If you want to see the best multi tasker you need to look in the mirror! Meeting deadlines for your books, teaching classes, volunteering for Huge projects at your kids schools, besides the kids writing classes you teach. And then you're always there for critque partners when they need something. For you to add to all that with a new job at Entangled is just super human! You rock Misa.
Wow Wendy, that is one brave woman. Not sure I would even enter the room without a vest and a gun
People like her change the world one person at a time.
Thanks for joining me today!
April 11, 2011 9:26 PM
Kimberly Quinton said...
Great post Kym,
I have to agree with Regina and Misa, I cry easily at just the commercial for such stories and the one that really got me recently was the boy in Australia when they had the massive flooding a few months back, asked the rescuer to take his younger brother first.. the younger boy was the only one to survive as his older brother and mother were swept away in the flood. I cried for days.. Tearing up now.
Recently looked up volunteer opportunities at Human Rights Initiative in North Texas.. HRIonline.org They do pro-bono work for asylum seekers/immigrants, and also women and children that are seeking asylum or smuggled here through human trafficking. These people are inspiring to me. Many Americans have no clue about what real struggle for survival can mean.
It's always good to remember how good we have it and what we should be grateful for.
thanks
Kim
April 11, 2011 10:13 PM
Tracy A. Ward said...
I've been meaning to take my kids to see that movie too, Kym! I love inspirational books, movies, documentaries and to me, you can't have too many overcoming odds stories!
April 11, 2011 10:35 PM
Kym Roberts said...
Good for you Kim! Human trafficing is a world wide problem and unfortunately Americans are a major source of the problem. I commend you for taking a step to help others. And just so you know, sometimes watching a story on the news is more emotional than working the story. Working it gives you purpose in life. I'm not saying some cases won't tear your heart out, but you'll witness so much strength you will be in awe.
April 11, 2011 10:58 PM
Kym Roberts said...
Tracy the whole arm thing might be a little too sensitive for your kiddo's right now. Little Big-D gets stitches out tomorrow-Yeah! We're all thinking about you guys!
Mahalo for stopping by today ladies. We're all here to make a difference, whether it's with an unexpected kind word, serving your local community or helping people of other nations. Catch the Wave and make a difference.
Aloha!
Kym Roberts
www.kymroberts.com
2011 Winter Rose Mainstream Finalist for
Dead Right There-a Malia Fern Adventure on the island of Kaua'i
April 11, 2011 11:07 PM
Tahlia said...
I love books that inspire. I mostly read fantasy but really good fantasy books inspire as well. I can't think of a recent real story though I bet's there's many in Japan, but I just read an inspriing fantasy called Mercy by Joshua Grover.
April 12, 2011 7:19 PM
Kym Roberts said...
Hey Tahlia I will definitely have to read his book. I recently read Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell and Patrick Robinson. Marcus is a Navy Seal who was the only survivor from Seal Team 10 from operation Redwing in the Middle East. It is a very compelling story of what our armed forces are facing every day for our freedom. Although heart breaking, I think we as Americans tend to forget the sacrifices these heroes are making for us and should keep in touch with their journey's of survival.
Mahalo(thank you) will never be enough.
Kym
A 'Resting Souls
In police work I saw my fair share of dead bodies. To the average American it would be a lot. To a Medical Examiner it’s all in a day’s work. And for the most part, I dealt with it as a fact of life. Blocking out emotion to look at the scene for any sign of a struggle, foul play or evidence that lead to the killer. If it was a crime scene, I was too busy with the job to feel anything. Time is precious in life, and in an investigation.
But the calls involving natural death when I had to sit in someone’s home, alone with the deceased, waiting for the medical examiner’s office or a funeral home to come pick up the body, I would be lying if I didn’t admit I felt something in the ‘air’ on occasion. Whether it was the overactive imagination of a bored cop, or an ‘other’ worldly experience, who’s to say? I can only acknowledge that I felt a sense of invasion into their privacy. I wasn’t invited to sit at their table where a half-eaten cookie lay on a plate next to a glass of juice, nor was I offered a seat on their couch or a spot to stand in their foyer, and I certainly wasn’t asked to stand over their naked body in the bathroom.
My first sergeant in Violent Crimes, known as the Queen, always said, “Everyone in Homicide knows, there are to be no naked pictures taken of ‘the dead Queen’ in her bathroom.” She was the boss and she was going to make sure we heard her voice in our heads even after she was gone. And it was like these people were doing just that. Expressing their own discomfort, “That’s my breakfast, don’t touch it,” “That’s my favorite spot to sit and watch TV,” “Get out of my house,” or “Hello trying to take a dump here. Do you mind giving me a little privacy?” I felt their voice echoing through the residence and they were trying to say something. I just couldn’t understand the language.
I will say, I never felt anything from a body. When a person dies, I firmly believe the soul leaves it. Like a butterfly leaving a cocoon, it soars around the room, a little disoriented, maybe a little frightened of its new form or tired from the transformation and needing to rest. It’s like there is a time period, when the soul isn’t quite ready to leave, that a presence can be felt by those who are in-tune with its feelings. If I was busy--I didn’t feel anything. If I was bored—I got the message, but it wasn’t loud or clear.
Whether it was my own design, or their souls really were there, I don’t know. As the body was removed and I turned out the lights and locked the door, who’s to say how long it hung around. But I do believe when a soul is finally ready to spread its wings, this gorgeous creation is off to see new things.
What do you think happens to the soul after a person dies? Do they walk among us? Head straight for the Maternity Ward to be born again? Or are they figments of our imagination to ease our own fears of death? I’d love to hear about your thoughts and experiences.
Heather said...
I think that after death, there are a lot of possibilities. I think you get choices, and if you haven't learned certain lessons or are needed, you do go back. I like the concept of reincarnation, I like the thought that somewhere in the world, those souls that I have loved are out there, loving and being loved still.
January 31, 2011 9:09 AM
Julia Rachel Barrett said...
Well, having died in an accident at the age of 16, I could tell you my experience, but I think people need to believe whatever they want to believe. I'll only say that I didn't want to come back and I did not head to the maternity ward!
January 31, 2011 10:23 AM
Kym said...
Thanks Julia and Heather. I;m not sure what I think about reincarnation, but I named my daughter after her two grandmothers. Both had passed on by the time we adopted her. And from the moment of notification,I knew she was the one and that she had my mom's 'fighting' spirit. Now she acts like my mom, says she is my mom, and drives me crazy like my mom! So who knows, maybe she's back giving me heck the way I gave it to her. And Julia, you can not drop a bomb shell about your experience and not share! Please do!
January 31, 2011 11:13 AM
Gina said...
Perhaps it merely takes longer for the brains' spiritual energy to fade than it does for its physical functions to end.
January 31, 2011 11:24 AM
Julia Rachel Barrett said...
Kym - I have no doubts about reincarnation. A resounding yes.
January 31, 2011 1:10 PM
Kym Roberts said...
A very interesting idea Gina. So does that mean the spiritual energy of the brain seperates from the body? And is it the brain or the heart?
January 31, 2011 1:13 PM
Kym said...
Julia-you are a tease at heart! Is coyness a passed on trait?
January 31, 2011 1:15 PM
Tracy A. Ward said...
I don't know what's on the other side, but I do strongly feel death isn't an end. I can say for certain though, I'm not exactly ready to find out first-hand. 
January 31, 2011 2:15 PM
Kym said...
I agree Tracy. Sometimes we get caught up in the other side and fail to realize how wonderful this life can be. Look forward to today, cause it's filled with endless possibiiites.
January 31, 2011 2:44 PM
Julia Rachel Barrett said...
Not trying to be coy, I just don't usually talk about my experience - because sometimes very religious people take offense.
You have given me an idea for a blog post tomorrow though!
January 31, 2011 5:29 PM
Linda Andrews said...
In some ways I think what initially happens when we pass is what we believe will happen--whether that is the light, the door, the pearly gate etc. I do know that what happens afterwards depends on you. While I'd like to think that many career criminals have to come back a million times as cockroaches to be squished, I don't believe that is the case. Still, I know that when I think about my deceased grandparents or mother-in-law, I can often hear them in my head as well as sense them around me.
January 31, 2011 5:31 PM
Kym said...
Julia put your blog link on so we can all check in tomorrow-I can't wait to read it!
January 31, 2011 5:53 PM
Kym said...
Oh Linda, you've brightened my day with the thought of squashing nasty bugs as giving a scumball her/his just due that s/he didn't receive in life! I've hated scorpions for years, now I know why! The next time I get the opportunity to kill a scorpion, I'll think of a sexual predator that got away!
January 31, 2011 5:59 PM
Julia Rachel Barrett said...
http://juliarachelbarrett.net
thanks!
January 31, 2011 6:41 PM
Kym Roberts said...
Thanks for stopping by everyone! May your year be full of goodness and light. And the next time you have a bug in your house, think of it as an opportunity to instill a little justice!
January 31, 2011 7:15 PM
Steph said...
I have had too many near death experiences but they echo the experience my esteemed friend Julia mentioned. There is, according to the Tibetan book of the Dead, a definite period of time during which the essence of a person hovers around its body before heading off to the bardo where it is drawn by its own momentum towards a next life. When I say momentum,I mean the energy of our last life, positive or negative.
Is this correct? Th Tibetan Book of the Dead is a human and cultural interpretation of the experiences of people who have had spiritual experiences, sometimes those of a near death nature.
Thanks for bringing this to us. I think treating the bodies of the dead is important both because the spirit may be hovering and confused and disrespect may influence the direction of the spirit. And, disrespect of the body dead shows a callousness that cannot be good for the person being disrespectful.
February 1, 2011 7:08 AM
Steph said...
And I am following you now.
Fangs, Wands and Fairy Dust
email: steph@fangswandsandfairydust.com
twitter: @fangswandsfairy
February 1, 2011 7:10 AM
Caroline Clemmons said...
Kym, what a lovely analogy of death. It fits my ideas exactly. Thanks for sharing!
February 1, 2011 10:14 AM
Kym Roberts said...
Thanks Caroline. I appreciate your kind words. Steph I agree with you about respecting the remains of the dead. There is something seriously wrong with an individual that does not. I'm not talking an autopsy because I believe that is done out of respect, I'm talking the criminal mind that dismembers or otherwise. Or even those who would pose the dead in so called funny positions. The soul may be gone but disrespecting their remains shows a serious moral flaw that will come back to haunt them. Maybe in the form of being smooshed by a shoe in another life. ( I still love that!)
Kathleen Baldwin said...
Great post, Kym!
I really appreciated your cop's eye view of the death scene. You made me mist up with the half eaten cookie and not asking you to sit down on the couch. Wow!
February 2, 2011 3:22 PM
The Good Guys and the Stache
The Good Guys and the Stache
Where would you be without a furry upper lip in your past?
One of my favorite new TV series this season is The Good Guys starring Colin Hanks as the clean-cut college boy cop, Jack Bailey, and my hero, Bradley Whitford as the has-been detective, Dan Stark. Of course I’m not sure who makes a bigger statement, Dan or his furry mustache which seems to have a role of its own on the show.
The endless mustache humor that may get lost on some, is totally appreciated by others. Maybe it’s because we grew up with the sexy macho stache. Tom Selleck was the sexiest man alive in the 80’s--women coveted his hairy lip and hairy chest. Yet today, that same image which drove women to their knees, now makes us laugh, turn up our lip and say, ‘eww’. The macho men of the 21st century not only shave their face,
but their entire head, their chests and other parts as well. The only acceptable hair seems to be in the form of a goatee or soul patch. And although I would NEVER say, ‘ewwe’ to Tom, I can’t help but notice, even he has stepped away from his classic stache from time to time, toward a modernized version with a goatee.
But what would we do in life without characters like Dan Stark? Dan who lives in the past, bungles through the present, and doesn’t give a rat’s ass what’s going to happen in the future. Dan who has natural instincts about crime and criminals but doesn’t have a clue as to what’s acceptable socially. Dan who gets the bad guy at all cost, without an understanding for rules and regulations that can make the job easier, or sometimes harder.
I’ve known a few Dan’s on the police department throughout the years. In fact, when I transferred to day shift, I was the only officer in my sector without a stache. Of course I was the only one boobs too. At first those crusty guys treated me like I had a venereal disease they could catch if they even looked in my direction. But after a while they warmed up and asked me to join them for Sunday breakfast at the New G and E Diner, which was far from new. I was honored--little did I know they invited me so I’d quit pulling them away from their biscuits and gravy to back me up a car check.
One stache in particular, stood out in the crowd. A small man, maybe shorter than me, who smoked everywhere he went. His uniform ill-fitting, his voice gravely, his humor raunchy and his manner unorthodox. He was the luckiest little leprechaun you ever saw. But he was also the best damn cop I ever met. He taught me more in the years we worked together than I could possibly say. And he has arrested more felons in Kansas City than any other cop. He’s respected on the streets by all generations and the felons knew they couldn't escape Tom. They also respected him. Their family and friends gave him information they wouldn't give anyone else. His arrests talked to him like they were confessing their sins to their priest. It was an amazing scene to watch.
So the stache on the Good Guys brings back a lot of nostalgia for me. Not just the heart throb of my twenties, but the mentor in my thirties. I see a little of me in Jack Bailey and a lot of Tom in Dan Stark’s mustache.
What stache stands out for you in your life? Is it a Tom Selleck or a local Tom who impacted who you are today? Was it a hot fuzzy kiss, or a fur-ball you couldn’t hack up? A guy who wow’d you with his knowledge or a guy who made you want to wipe that stache off with duct tape because of his filthy mouth? Did it go with a mouth-watering body of the Hawaiian gods, or barfing butt cleavage?
Let me know your experience with the stache, good or bad, I bet you have a story to tell!
I've re-posted this blog in memory of my mentor, Tom who passed away on 1/27/2011. May you lighten the spirits with your bright shining eyes and your quirky smile that twitched your furry upper lip. God Bless.
The Good Guys and the Stache
Join me today for my blog about the Good Guys and the Stache.
Bloody Monday's Blog
Join me Monday August 30th 2010, for my first Bloody Monday's Blog with the Bloody Pen Sisterhood! Click on the link below:
http://dailydose-fantasyromance.blogspot.com/2010/08/bloody-pen-sisterhood.html
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